The Voice within.
My voice within is on permanent negative mode. Every day I wake up I am fighting the voice within. The voice is like a nagging old lady that no longer has sex and can’t see the beauty in anything. This is ironic because I have a great sex life with my husband and have so many things to be happy about. Yet the voice wakes up on the wrong side of the bed and I spend the better half of the morning trying to convince the Crab that it is a good day and all is well. Do you have a voice like that?
I will give you an example. This morning is a beautiful Sunday morning. I had a great night’s sleep. I went to bed early Saturday night after watching a movie cuddled up with my husband. The movie was uninterrupted as my son was at his dad’s and we were free to eat popcorn for dinner and enjoy the show together. We went to bed at 10 and I slept through the night, and I mean I didn’t even get up in the wee hours to pee. At my age, if you sleep through the night it’s a miracle in itself. Off to bed we go, comfy cozy, not too hot, not too cold, and sleeping like a baby. As soon as I slightly become present in the day, the nagging begins. The Voice takes on a life of its own and thus the overwhely feeling of dread is upon me.
She says; oh my God it’s Sunday you have to go back to work tomorrow don’t you just loathe it. You know your son is coming home with his teenage attitude ugh. You know you have a ton of chores to do because those guys NEVER help you. What are you going to do today in that Business of yours? Are you going to get any more clients? I doubt it! You should clean this house up you are spending way too much time on the business and have you done everything you have to do for school. I bet your son hasn’t! I bet he has tons of homework and probably doesn’t even know what it is. Are you going to remind him? I mean really at his age? You really should dig up that email from his teachers and go through it with him but, how many times are you going to do that, when is he going to be able to do that on his own? You can’t keep coddling him. Are you going to do any Yoga today? You better get in shape, you haven’t done any yoga in a long time, yet you think you can go to a class on Thursday night in front of people? You don’t have money for that, nor can you do yoga in front of strangers how embarrassing for you, do you even have the right yoga clothes? You can’t afford that anyway and are you going to skip out on a date night to have time for yourself, yeah that should go over well.
Mind you The Voice has said all of these things within the first half hour of me waking up. My body immediately begins to respond to The Voice in subtle ways. Here is what I mean. Instead of rolling over for another hubby cuddle before I start the day, I pop out of bed. We don’t have to be anywhere and as a rule, I don’t work on my coaching biz or my teaching gig on Sunday. So I get out of bed and let the dogs out. At which time I load up the washing machine for another load. See that’s The Voice… remember she said, “You know you have a ton of chores to do because those guys NEVER help you.” So without coffee or a pee break, I am already doing laundry. I haven’t even opened my eyes to a fully upright position. We are clearly not ready for takeoff, but here I am minding the voice and putting in a load of colors. After that, I make a morning pit stop and I wash my face but before I leave the bathroom I wipe down the sink and clean off the toilet from any one of my lost hairs. As I leave there I head into the kitchen to make coffee. While I wait for the coffee to brew The Voice reminds me of all the things I have to get done today. That is when I do some dishes and while those are drying I start bending and stretching because The Voice said….”Are you going to do any Yoga today? You better get in shape, you haven’t done any yoga in a long time yet you think you can go to a class on Thursday night in front of people? “
What happened to just standing in a moment of gratitude and waiting patiently? Where have those days gone where you can just be, have a silent moment to yourself? Who is this voice anyway and why the hell is she such a bitch? What an impossible personality to live up to. If you reread what The Voice said she actually contradicts herself. “I mean really at his age. You really should dig up that email from his teachers and go through it with him but, how many times are you going to do that, when is he going to be able to do that on his own? You can’t keep coddling him.” How could I please such and indecisive character? The answer is I can’t. Nor would I want to. If I took to heart what this voice said I would not have had the strength to even get out of bed. Yes, I heard what she said, I did listen, but I did it just to check in. Knowing she was in a ranting and raving mood I quietly backed out of the room she occupied in my mind shut the door and locked it. My life is more important than The Voice and it is vital to my daily success that I know what she has to say so I can change and overcome The Voice and have a great day. I mean, can you imagine if I would have let HER determine how my day was going to evolve? It would be horrible; I will not permit that to happen. I have already wasted too many days listening to negativity. Being in a verbally abusive relationship can do that to you. Subsequently, I choose not to listen, oh I take note, but then I go on to something more important that will fill my day with intention, accountability, identification and clarity. These are the first four choices that help you to be happy according to…
How We Choose to Be Happy: The 9 Choices of Extremely Happy People.
What am I supposed to do with The Voice then? Make a choice! Yes, it is that simple. After you have established what The Voice is saying, choose not to continue to listen to the negativity. Choose to be happy. Set your intention to have a great day. Hold yourself accountable. When The Voice pops her craggy self out of the room in your head and starts in again, hold yourself accountable by slamming the door in her face! Then methodically identify what would make you happy and get clear on how you can make that a central part of your day today. Do not procrastinate on this. Sit down in a room by yourself away from T.V. FB, etc. Lock yourself in your bathroom if you need to. Take time to do this mental work to shut down The Voice. Because before you know it, (if not properly handled) your voice, guy girl, dragon, whatever, will pop out and try to sneak up on your carefree life.
Being happy is a choice, my friends. It is not something we have an abundance of as an adult weighed down by responsibilities, motherhood, or being part of a family. Happiness may not be something we grew up with, but it is something we all deserve. In order to grab hold of our happiness, we have to do some inner work. Hard work has great payoffs and you are worth it. Remember happiness is not sprinkled down from fairies at night; we have to choose to be happy and hold onto that happiness any way possible. In the words of Will Smith…”Decide, just decide” and then coach yourself into a happier and healthier day. Then tell The Voice to shut the F Up!